Everything..

starts here.

Never have I thought I would have this kind of experience in my lifetime. HAHAHA Thought too "healthily" of myself.

Went for my first neuro consultation today. The migraine was getting out of control. But you know what's still in control? Jesus. (rhetorical question is rhetorical)

In the waiting hall, I was probably the only young patient there. I glanced around the room and there were elderly people on wheelchairs, young working adults accompanying their parents, little children running around while their worried parents just sat down and waited for their names to be called. There I was, just sitting there and entertaining myself with a book while checking e-mails that were coming into my phone. I felt completely out of place. During that time, part of me regretted not accepting my LG members' offer to accompany me for the consultation, but another part of me was glad I went for it alone. I finally had some personal time to just think about myself and my life.

Maaaaaan, I've never had the time to dig deep into so many things in my life before. As I thought back on different things, I cried to myself, laughed to myself, got angry at myself, pitied myself, became embarrassed at myself, and experienced every single humanly-possible emotion in the span of 90 minutes. Woah. #Imademyownmovie lol.

That's when I realized that the results didn't matter. Just migraine? Tumour? Cancer? Weird undiscovered growth? Pfft. Who cares. I'm in good Hands. Reallly goooood Hands. Hands which made me. Hands which brushed the dirt of my knees when I fell. Hands which would always be ready for me to hold on to despite how far I thought I left.

As I was listening to Latch by Kodaline, can't help but to relate it to the Big One up there. Now, I've got You in my space, I won't let go of You. Got me shackled in Your embrace, I'm latching onto You.

Yez I am, You bettarrhh be readddeh Jesus! ;)

A new step

I don't know about you, but I really feel that 2013 is a refreshing new step for me. Like I know great things will happen because well, duh, God is with me! WOHOOOHOHHO!!

:)

When I was younger, new years didn't feel like new years. It felt the same. I asked myself last time. "Oh it's a new year. So what? I'm still the same person. I'm still gonna do the same things I'm gonna do in life."

Boy, was I wrong.

I never really took this "New Year" opportunity into hand. It feels great to be able to start a new chapter on a clean white sheet of paper. It's as if the inkings for 2012 are gone and past. Now, I can start on a new page. Get that feeling?

It is the exact feeling I get when I discovered Jesus died for my sins. All my darkness, all my stains are thrown and cleansed. Now, I am a new creation. I start on a new piece of paper every single moment. I start with a clear glass of water every single moment.

It's so impossible, but sooo possible with Jesus. Every time a stain threatens to mark an eternal spot on my clean white paper, it is cleansed immediately, because I have His grace.

But we being human, we tend to feel unworthy. New Years really helped me to feel my worthiness. We are worthy because He is worthy. A new year to start my life with the right foot forward. Then again, even if I had the wrong foot forward, He will make it right for me.

WHY?

Because all things work out beautiful when He is in them. SO AWESOME LAHH! AIYOO!!!

I just cant stop smiling now because it feels really good. Really good to know this great God. Have you met this Jesus person yet? If you haven't, man, you're missing out!!!!

I used to think I could not let go, 

could not forget, 

could not go on with a smile.

I used to think new years was just a transition.
but you know what?

.

.

That was what I used to think before I met Him. :) 

All about that special person :)

Today is Christmas! Yay! Happy birthday to Jesus. :)

Just had an awesome celebration with my church family yesterday on Christmas eve! It was truly a blessed night. We started off with a great meal of steamboat!! Really gotta give all applauses to those who prepared for this great meal.

Then we went for a spontaneous caroling session in ss2 mall. It was 9.40 pm. The mall was closing. It was near to being empty. Indeed, it was a crazy idea to begin with, BUT, with God's favour, we managed to bless THREE outlets with our Christmas songs and candy canes. The experience was so phenomenal.

I just can't express how great it feels to be able to spread the joy of the Lord. Singing while smiling, and while giving out candy canes to strangers. Having them responding with a big smile, "Merry Christmas to you too", really blew me away. I was over the top. Thank you so much God for making this experience an awesome one.

And thank you to Xin Yi (one of our awesome church member, also an extremely pretty sister inside and out) for persisting to having this caroling session. Every time she organizes something, the plan really goes on. Her persistence in every thing she does really inspires me. I feel so young when I hang out with her!!!

I just want to mention THREE things that hit me tonight. Some things are faithful reminders, while some are just pure inspiring.

1. God is always with us.

Indeed a reminder many Christians miss out on. God is always here with us. Having a Christmas celebration with the right reason in mind, that is to celebrate Jesus' birth, really makes us appreciate our God a whole lot more. And it really reminds me tonight that no one or thing is greater than Him. He is always here; yesterday, today and forever. :')

2. We can make a difference with God.

We can really make a difference in our everyday lives. Each and every experience we had with God can bless others. Each and every action we do can reflect God within us, just like today's caroling. I could see faces whom are genuinely happy to hear us sing. And I could hear claps for us as we finish our songs. It may be a small gesture, but in these every little small gestures, God's love is made known. :)

3. God shows us new things.

HE REALLY DOES. Tonight has been such a great testimony to His name. Not just the caroling, but also through the presence of a few particular people. A young lad brought his two friends who had some complications in communication. This young lad's constant effort to use sign language to tell his friends on what is going on really really inspires me. I never knew this young lad had so much in him. :) Not until today. God showed me this new thing tonight.

Lovely start to a beautiful day. :)

Thank you, Jesus. 

We just never bothered

It was all there. I recently saw a friend's blog. It was so detailed. When I read it, my tears fell. I never knew she had come such a long way from her past, from her experiences in life. When I met her in person, she would always smile at me. She would always be the first one to encourage me in the sea of people.

Never would I have guessed this positive person had such a dark past. A past which I would have never been able to let go, but she did.

Her stories are all there. But, we just never bothered. We never bothered to read it, to feel it or to understand her.

Today, I got curious about her. I wondered if she had anything in her life now that is disrupting her. Recently, she felt different. Perhaps something was bothering her. Being me, I dug deeper. And there I was, stumbling myself upon her blog.


And as I read every word, I cringe at how much she has been through. Thank God she has Jesus. Else, I wouldn't know anything which could've helped her go through this mess.

But being human, we get weak over and over. Troubles will come and hit over and over. It won't stop. But when we believe in Jesus, it will. When we believe that Jesus got our back, He really does carry us through our burdens. No one can be a bigger testimony than this friend of mine.

I have met a lot of different people in my 22 years of living. I know, I know, that might not be a very big number to speak for experiences, BUT yes, I believe even the littlest experiences count. Most of the people I've met fret over love problems. They fret over one-sided feelings. They fret over not having enough money. They fret over not having enough skills to become a famous TV star.

But this friend, I never saw her fret about romantic feelings. I never saw her fret about her skills and thinking she's not good enough. I began to wonder, "is she normal at all?" 

When I read her blog, I found out that she was indeed normal, just that her problems are not petty, not like the most of ours. Reading about her problems made me feel like I had nothing to worry about at all as far as my life goes. It made me appreciate what I had. It made me thank God I didn't have to go through what she went through.

Honestly, I wouldn't be as strong as her. I would've ended my life far back. But she stood till today. Because Jesus was and still is her pillar of strength. 

It amazes me how God can give such tremendous courage to a girl who almost lost everything in her life. It amazes me how His love is enough for us to receive and to give. It really amazes me how God made her a wonderful living testimony in our eyes.

God is always so good.

Now, as I look at this girl the next time I see her, I will look at her with different eyes. My eyes will be filled with joy and hope because I know that this girl has God working in her. And nothing can be more beautiful than that.

Thank you Father as you love us so much. You are worthy. :)

Finally

She let down her hair. Heaved a heavy sigh of relief.

"So this is how it feels like after a long time."

:')

She closed her eyes. A single tear fell. No, it was not sadness. It was relief. Times have been pretty rough. The stress, emotionally and physically. She could finally swim up for air. 

It was normal to smile again. 

My God brought me through my obstacles.

He is the same yesterday, today and forever. 

:')

Supernatural

It's really awesome how a full night spent with Him can change everything.  Really awesome how when people of God are with you, everything seems fine again. My God is bigger than all my problems!!!

Thank you God and thank you, my pretty little shepherd. God really gave you so much wisdom. You made me smile a whole lot brighter now.

Tonight's prayer meeting was SOOO MINISTERING. I can feel like my problems are being raped and torn down one by one. His presence can minister to different people with different problems all at the same time. :)

I will seek Your face. Call upon Your name, Jesus. All I want is You. Jesus, Jesus.

A quote I learnt from my shepherd "Learn to give others the same considerations you give yourself. Find gold in their lives, not dirt."

To the Anon who commented on my last post: 

Seems like this cocoon is ready to break free. 

Because my God is able. :)

She stood there

With thoughts running through her mind. Stop! She yelled, but no one else understood. They thought she was  out of her mind.

When was the last time overthinking happened? Oh yeah, just yesterday. Why did it happen? Oh yeah, no idea. 

She wants to run away. Just. Too. Much. Drama. But she knew if she did, she would regret it. She knew if she had ran away, she would have lost her identity. The identity in the Person who loves her most. 

Stop putting lies into her head. I TELL YOU TO STOP! Stop making her think all of this. STOP IT. It's not fun anymore. She hates it. She hates it. 

"A girl who have lost the person whom she thought was close to her." Stop making her think that. She's not needy. She's not reliant. That girl, was truly just important. To lose her would be shattering. But what can she do about it? Nothing. She can do or say nothing without making it sound like an excuse.

Like a cocoon she wrapped herself up. 'Today felt different' she thought to herself. It probably was. 

What is she writing about now? No idea. 

Too many riddles.