Supernatural

It's really awesome how a full night spent with Him can change everything.  Really awesome how when people of God are with you, everything seems fine again. My God is bigger than all my problems!!!

Thank you God and thank you, my pretty little shepherd. God really gave you so much wisdom. You made me smile a whole lot brighter now.

Tonight's prayer meeting was SOOO MINISTERING. I can feel like my problems are being raped and torn down one by one. His presence can minister to different people with different problems all at the same time. :)

I will seek Your face. Call upon Your name, Jesus. All I want is You. Jesus, Jesus.

A quote I learnt from my shepherd "Learn to give others the same considerations you give yourself. Find gold in their lives, not dirt."

To the Anon who commented on my last post: 

Seems like this cocoon is ready to break free. 

Because my God is able. :)

She stood there

With thoughts running through her mind. Stop! She yelled, but no one else understood. They thought she was  out of her mind.

When was the last time overthinking happened? Oh yeah, just yesterday. Why did it happen? Oh yeah, no idea. 

She wants to run away. Just. Too. Much. Drama. But she knew if she did, she would regret it. She knew if she had ran away, she would have lost her identity. The identity in the Person who loves her most. 

Stop putting lies into her head. I TELL YOU TO STOP! Stop making her think all of this. STOP IT. It's not fun anymore. She hates it. She hates it. 

"A girl who have lost the person whom she thought was close to her." Stop making her think that. She's not needy. She's not reliant. That girl, was truly just important. To lose her would be shattering. But what can she do about it? Nothing. She can do or say nothing without making it sound like an excuse.

Like a cocoon she wrapped herself up. 'Today felt different' she thought to herself. It probably was. 

What is she writing about now? No idea. 

Too many riddles.

Do I

owe anyone an explanation?

Words, why would you evade me at a time like this? I can't put everything in words.

Ever wondered how important your words are to someone? For example, a husband would take his wife' words so importantly because he trusts her. A daughter would believe the words her mother chooses to tell her.

Our words are so impactful. Especially to those who treasure us. The more our value is to them, the more valued our words. Instead, how many of us think of this before we choose to speak?

Today, a person might have probably told his/her parents about a certain friend. His/her parents would have completely believed in him/her. But what if, WHAT IF that person's words weren't true?

What if we say things so lightly without knowing how much weight it would have brought to another person we were talking about?

How careful is careful enough?

I've been reading a lot lately. And I came across an article. "Gossip is never good because the other person is not there to defend himself."

This brought realisation to me. But I guess the realisation will never hit deep until we're the ones people are talking about. Whatever we say after are merely just attempts to save ourselves from their already blotched thoughts. Whatever we say after will never have an impact greater than the first news. Whatever we say after probably won't even matter anymore.

God is almighty. Despite all our fall shorts, He still loves us. It is hard to even love myself, and to have Him loving me, I feel overwhelmed.

I can't wait till the day I can stand up tall, 

after going through all this, telling everyone,

 "I got over it because I ran to my God. :)"

Your hand

Here's a little experiment.

Look at your hand. What do you see? Fine lines? Popping veins? Intricate fingers? Or big bulky fingers? Pointy fingernails? Squarish nail bed? Nail polish? Why that colour? What about your palm? Constantly sweaty? Or always cold? Reddish? Or is it pale? Rough? Or baby smooth skin? What about its shape? Angular? Or turgid? Is it weak? Or is it strong?

All hands, despite how different they look, they bear a responsibility. All hands have worries, have burdens. All hands want to work for the best. Despite skin colour, gender, all hands, wants happiness. All hands wants to be cared for. All hands wants to live for something. 

But sometimes we overwork. We tend to tire our hands out. We strain and strain till the day it breaks. Till we realise, even our hands can't help us now. Till we realise all that's left to do is to use it to wipe our tears. All that we do is to clench it together, frustrated and thinking, "I could've done better" or "I don't want to do this anymore."

When will that day arrive? It already has. It is constant. We get tired so often. Too often in fact. How can we depend on ourselves? How long more can we continue to strive with our bare, weak, little hands.

There truly is only ONE hand we can depend on forever. Those hands which will never let go. Those hands which will always embrace us, despite us falling short. Those hands of He who made us.

Those pair of hands which were always there, yet we were too blind to see, or even sometimes, refuse to see.

How sweet Thy  hands. How very very sweet.

I am loved. :)

My first birthday

Today, well yesterday, but still technically today since I have not gone to bed yet, is my first birthday! :)

How quick time passes and now I have known the Lord personally for a whole year. In this one year, I truly experienced and learnt a lot. The best gift of all was for me to receive Father's love and also learning to love others. :)

I can say this has been the best year in my life. I can finally use the phrase, "the old has gone, the new has come". With Jesus one year ago, I was reborn. :)

My life has been ever transforming. I've slowly matured all thanks to Him, and also to my brothers and sisters around me.

It was heartwarming to hear people saying "Happy Birthday" to me. It might sound silly to many, but I know their joy when they say it. :) Having someone new joining the kingdom of God, that feeling is indescribable. So yeah, silly no more! Thank you all lovely people!!

His love makes me wanna praise more, makes me wanna sing more, makes me wanna dance, makes me wanna share, makes me wanna give, makes me wanna love. His love brings happy tears to my eyes. His love brings everlasting joy and peace to me. He is SO BIG. It's just so touching to be able to call a person SO MIGHTY my Father.

Next year will be even greater, with more testimonies to share, more blessings to give and receive, and more people around me discovering His great love.

Thank you, Abba.

The Red Wallet

Or red purse. Lol. I'd prefer to call it a wallet because it simply sounds more 'mature', even though it's really a purse. :)

Had a great time at service today. It has really been such a long while since I've jumped, praising His name. :) Pastor Willie is always so awesome at worship leading. All glory to God.

After dinner, I decided to join the brothers and sisters to watch Taken 2 AGAIN even after I've already watched it. Haha. I know right, how spendthrift of me. BUT know that I only made this decision because Ah Bao had the buy 1 free 1 ticket thingie and the movie was good, so I didn't mind a second watching.

After a headcount, altogether there were 7 peeps going. It was an odd number. This meant one ticket would have to use the original pricing. So, in the end I decided to opt out from the movie simply because I'm very 'kiam' and not willing to pay 12 bucks for the ticket. HEHEHE.

It would be boring to just stay at home though. So I thought why not visit Starbucks, leech off their Internet and just enjoy my own computer shows while they went and watch the movie. I really like having alone time in places like Starbucks. The ambience is just so calming.

So there I was, chit chatting with Belden before he left for the movie. After he left, I decided to visit the restroom. I lugged my laptop bag with me, all the way to find the nearest restroom. And TOOK MY TIME. After all, I had the night to myself.

And then I realised. WHERE IS MY WALLET?

I quickly refreshed my memory and remembered I left it on the Starbucks seat. I was panicking. What if someone stole it already? What is the workers took it and decided to keep it for themselves? I RAN ALL THE WAY BACK.

While running, I couldn't stop praying. I really couldn't. I just mumbled the whole way through, "Lord, please let my wallet be safe. Please let it return into my possession again. Please please please please ....."

As I neared Starbucks, I glanced to my seat and it was GONE. It wasn't there anymore. I walked in and I was near to tears.

Then suddenly a group of students called me, "excuse me!!!"

"I think this is yours. We went to look for you but we lost track of you. Thank God you came back."

THANK GOD INDEED.

I couldn't stop thanking them. To a certain extent I kept bowing to them like crazy. Like BOWING. My body was like folding at a sharp 90 degrees. Lol. Oh, how stupid I must have looked. But I really praise God. Praise Him because such nice people exists. Praise Him because He answered my prayers.

Tonight I can sleep smiling. :)

Is it worth it?

Sometimes these ugly thoughts enter my mind. It is hard to filter whether doing certain things are worth it or not. But I know for those things, I did with one motive, one reason, that is to glorify God. This single piece of reason just calms me altogether.

Even though I know it's hard to continue when there's no motivation. When people take you for granted. But I fret not. Because all these I did it for God.

Yes. It's worth it.

These past few weeks has been a struggle. I know I'm not gaining strength from God. And I'm not alone. Many other brothers and sisters as well, they feel at an unrest. It was tiring, it was just taxing. Everything I did, I pray everyday I can continue it with a cheerful heart. I pray that I can depend on God.

It was easier said than done. How can one just rest in God? It was a struggle for me. I kept looking to Him, only to see myself in the mirror. Only to see how much I did on my own strength. I kept praying to Him, only to receive negative feedback from others. I kept striving, in search for His presence, only to drown myself again in my own pool of negative emotions.

I was lost.

And then I realised, I was trying to fill my own cup. How can Father fill up my cup which was already full from my own effort? He can only fill an empty cup. And that's when I opened completely to Him. To let Him fill my cup.

I could feel the strong splatter of the first drop in the empty cup. It was refreshing. As if taking a first gulp after a marathon. I could feel it rain all over my body. He was filling it and I am glad. I am glad I could still find Him.

He will never fail. Even when others around you don't see it, He sees it all. He knows you better than anyone else.

I am thankful for this short retreat back to my hometown. A time I can just be close to Him personally, without plannings, without activities, without meetings, without exerting any effort.

Just me and Him.

Just the two of us. :)

Thank you Father.