Is it worth it?

Sometimes these ugly thoughts enter my mind. It is hard to filter whether doing certain things are worth it or not. But I know for those things, I did with one motive, one reason, that is to glorify God. This single piece of reason just calms me altogether.

Even though I know it's hard to continue when there's no motivation. When people take you for granted. But I fret not. Because all these I did it for God.

Yes. It's worth it.

These past few weeks has been a struggle. I know I'm not gaining strength from God. And I'm not alone. Many other brothers and sisters as well, they feel at an unrest. It was tiring, it was just taxing. Everything I did, I pray everyday I can continue it with a cheerful heart. I pray that I can depend on God.

It was easier said than done. How can one just rest in God? It was a struggle for me. I kept looking to Him, only to see myself in the mirror. Only to see how much I did on my own strength. I kept praying to Him, only to receive negative feedback from others. I kept striving, in search for His presence, only to drown myself again in my own pool of negative emotions.

I was lost.

And then I realised, I was trying to fill my own cup. How can Father fill up my cup which was already full from my own effort? He can only fill an empty cup. And that's when I opened completely to Him. To let Him fill my cup.

I could feel the strong splatter of the first drop in the empty cup. It was refreshing. As if taking a first gulp after a marathon. I could feel it rain all over my body. He was filling it and I am glad. I am glad I could still find Him.

He will never fail. Even when others around you don't see it, He sees it all. He knows you better than anyone else.

I am thankful for this short retreat back to my hometown. A time I can just be close to Him personally, without plannings, without activities, without meetings, without exerting any effort.

Just me and Him.

Just the two of us. :)

Thank you Father.