Pain

I read something interesting today on Facebook. A friend of mine posted that she wanted the pain in her heart to ebb away. To be gone as if it wasn't there. Then I gave it a thought.

What if pain didn't exist? Why did God even created pain? Why were there even pain receptors in our bodies when we would suffer so much from it?

Wouldn't it be better if we could just fall down, wipe away the blood and walk on, as if there was no pain? Or accidentally sipped hot coffee, burning our tongue, but continued drinking because we wouldn't feel the scalding burn.

What a world it would be if pain did not exist.

The truth is. Pain is real. And it's one of the most important thing to us, to keep our flesh living.

Without pain, how would we know if our body is hurt beyond repair? We would go on with our lives and one day we would die without knowing that our body is wearing off, without pain. When we hurt ourselves, we don't treat it, because we're not suffering from pain. Due to that, our wounds get worst, it gets deeper, and one day we'll only be an inch away from death.

Without pain, we would not have known how much Jesus has suffered through His crucifixion. The pain would all be unreal and He would have died peacefully, for nothing. It would not be God's nature. He wouldn't have been able to touch our lives and save us from our sins.

How great is the word 'pain'. It seems like an enemy most of the time, but it measures a whole lot of love behind it.

Why did God give us pain? Because he loves us.

The pain tells us, "Hey you're hurt. You should do something about that wound."

The pain tells us, "This is too much. You should stop hurting yourself before it's too late."

The pain tells us, "My child. I love you. And I would go through all this pain and suffering, just to die for your sins, so you can be saved"

The amazing pain. The real love.

Pain is not our enemy. It is a gift from God. 

I Need You More

Yesterday, during service Kim lead the praise and worship team to this wonderful song, "I Need You More" by Kim Walker. Lol. How divine. Kim leading Kim's song. :)

Yesterday also, Xin Yi asked the question, 'How's your feeling after coming to KL from East Malaysia?'

To be honest, I forgot that feeling. I've been here so long, I've gotten so used to this new air. It's not something new anymore. But there is one thing I'll always thank God for. 

For saving me. 

If I hadn't came to KL, I would not have been saved. At least not by this year. I can still imagine myself living in my worldly ways if I stayed in Kuching. I am so so glad I came here. To meet Tammie, to meet my Hope brothers and sisters. It's truly a blessing. 

"And Lord, as time goes by, I will be by your side. Cause I never want to go back to my old life"

Yes Lord. I don't ever want to. I want to leave my old life to my past. Now, I want to feel Your presence and I want You to be in every single thing I do. Words cannot express fully just how touched and happy I feel. To know You.

More than the air I breathe, 

More than the song I sing, 

More than the next heartbeat,

More than anything,

I need You Lord. 

The Lord always delivers

In times of trial, I got so lost. Something happened to my family. My house was robbed. Of course, the one in my hometown.

I was worried. Really worried. My parents were alone back at home when me and my sisters are here. There was no one for them.

Mom called me and I could hear trembles in her voice. She was probably shocked. I was lost too. I totally did not expect such a thing to happen. Totally did not expect humans to be so mean. I mean, it was expected, but I did not imagine it happening to my family.

It was an eventful night. I went from calm, to sad, to crazy. Thoughts went through and through. I was worried for them. I wanted to be there.

I sought refuge in God. I prayed, but I was not still. I know that He will deliver, but at the spur of the moment, there were doubts. What if the robbers came back? (seeing that they took some keys)

I continued to talk to others. To tam, terry, rox, those who were online, asking them to pray for my family. I'm glad I talked to them. They reminded me that God will work in His ways, just continue to trust in Him.

It was a long talk. But at the end of it all I felt foolish. Foolish for even having any doubts in the first place. He is able. As long as we trust in Him, we will never be disappointed.

Some words I received last night from my brothers and sisters.

"We all are weak but God is strong. Focus on what God can do. He will make you strong. Peace of God is in you. Amen"


"The only thing you can do now is pray. And you have been doing that. We have been doing that. God is not deaf. He has been protecting them, He will continue to do so. Not because you asked, because He loves them more than you know."

A moment of bliss when I can finally just bask in Him. Be still in Him.

"I keep my eyes always on the Lord.With him at my right hand, I will not be shaken."

-Psalm 16:8

I can't remember

I can't remember the last time I cried. I remember the last time I cried for God. But not these kind of tears.

The moment they fell from my eyes, it hurts. As if the whole world came crashing down. Everyone around you suddenly seems against you, even though you know they are not.

In a way I feel relieved. I have been holding back tears. These worldly tears.

"When can I experience them again?" I thought to myself a few months back.

Tonight marks the night. To tell me I am human.

Even during Prayer Meeting tonight, I felt as if I was a piece of decoration. Nothing touched me. The night just went by only for me to realize more things due to over-thinking. Why does my brain do this? It's on strike against my spiritual growth. Logic vs love.

Everyone around me was worshipping with their eyes closed tight, hands raised and some were crying. But me, I stood there like a doll. Emotionless. How can I go from such extremes from listening to 'Cornerstone' to suddenly feeling this tonight?

I guess it was a preparation for my after-thought. The part where I overthink. As if the night wasn't already bad, my brain decided to take a plunge. If my brain could talk, it would probably say. "Hey! Since she's already in a bad mood. Let's make her overthink and make it worse!"

Thank you brain.

Now as tears are streaming down, the thought of ONLY God will never fails us keeps ringing in my head. It is so true. So true. Only He will never fail us.

"Dear Father, 

I give thanks for being able to be human after a long while. To be able to feel these painful tears as a reminder that You will never fail us. Father I pray that You lift this sorrow from my life. I pray that You give me a mind and heart to think of the bountiful grace You have provided us instead on harping on negativity. Father Lord I am sorry my heart was not at the prayer meeting tonight. I pray that my heart can be changed and I will come to experience You more. Father I love You. "

Dating

Yesterday, a brother bought a book entitled 'I Kissed Dating Goodbye'

I was intrigued by the title. Dating goodbye? Interesting.

The only impression I got from the title was keeping relationships to just budding romances, until we are ready for a serious relationship.

Meaning to say, keeping it as friends, at just the courtship level. Why plunge into something when you know you're not ready? It will be a connection where both you and your (perhaps) someone special can submit fully to God.

Growing in Him is my ultimate priority in life. I don't know what else to live for (besides reaching out to others about Him). It's hard to keep oneself without submitting to worldly ways of dating. I guess the best way is to not get into one while you know you will succumb to wordly temptations.

God is good.

I have had experiences too. Worldly relationships are too much to handle. A waste of time and definitely very tiring to the spirit. It's hard to just keep to our own emotions, what more to say another person's? I was tired. And I was gaping for a breath of fresh air into my past relationship.

Of course, I didn't know God during that time.

Now, I'm just glad I can reunite with Him. When all things waivers, He is my anchor. He made me grow stable emotionally. I can safely say that whenever I have emotional innuendos now, I seek Him first. Let me assure you, there is no better way. He listens. All the time.

I have not read the book, but I'm looking forward to read it. Let's see what Joshua Harris has got to say about kissing dating goodbye.

"People were also bringing babies to Jesus for him to place his hands on them. When the disciples saw this, they rebuked them. But Jesus called the children to him and said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. Truly I tell you, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it."

Luke 18:15-17

I want to remain in the innocence You are pleased with. Thank you Jesus. 

Cornerstone

Recently got myself addicted to 'Cornerstone' by Hillsong.

The line that rings out to me most is this,

"When darkness seems to hide His face, I rest on His unchanging grace."

It is so true. He is always so faithful. You know how sometimes humans tend to put trust and hope onto another human? I'm not saying it's not right, it's just that sometimes we hurt ourselves along the way.

We expect, but we never got our expectation as results. Not only about others, even we ourselves. How many times have we disappointed people around us? The answer is countless times. Because we are not perfect.

BUT imagine putting all that trust and hope on a God who gave you His only beloved Son. What else would He not give you?

Just goes to show that humans, they are controlled by their emotions and they let darkness hide God's face. Yet, above all, God is still so faithful. God is still faithful. He was and always will be there for our troubles, worries, anything in fact.

Anything. He accepts it all.

Hallelujah :)

Created a special blog for special stories. My walk and love story with God. :)