The moment they fell from my eyes, it hurts. As if the whole world came crashing down. Everyone around you suddenly seems against you, even though you know they are not.
In a way I feel relieved. I have been holding back tears. These worldly tears.
"When can I experience them again?" I thought to myself a few months back.
Tonight marks the night. To tell me I am human.
Even during Prayer Meeting tonight, I felt as if I was a piece of decoration. Nothing touched me. The night just went by only for me to realize more things due to over-thinking. Why does my brain do this? It's on strike against my spiritual growth. Logic vs love.
Everyone around me was worshipping with their eyes closed tight, hands raised and some were crying. But me, I stood there like a doll. Emotionless. How can I go from such extremes from listening to 'Cornerstone' to suddenly feeling this tonight?
I guess it was a preparation for my after-thought. The part where I overthink. As if the night wasn't already bad, my brain decided to take a plunge. If my brain could talk, it would probably say. "Hey! Since she's already in a bad mood. Let's make her overthink and make it worse!"
Thank you brain.
Now as tears are streaming down, the thought of ONLY God will never fails us keeps ringing in my head. It is so true. So true. Only He will never fail us.
"Dear Father,
I give thanks for being able to be human after a long while. To be able to feel these painful tears as a reminder that You will never fail us. Father I pray that You lift this sorrow from my life. I pray that You give me a mind and heart to think of the bountiful grace You have provided us instead on harping on negativity. Father Lord I am sorry my heart was not at the prayer meeting tonight. I pray that my heart can be changed and I will come to experience You more. Father I love You. "
No comments:
Post a Comment